They have telephone radar. I am sure of it. No, its not some amazing secret power, I don't think. I don't talk much on the phone, but when I do, its like they know. That becomes the optimal time to scream, get hurt, do naughty shit that they otherwise would never do, and torment each other relentlessly. These would all be fine things to do if they didn't do them within five feet of me while I am trying to have a telephone conversation. This morning I have a scheduled telephone conference. I have asked the older kids to keep the little troublemakers out of my hair. This ensures someone will break a bone or need stitches. The baby will cry throughout the entire thing, making it impossible for me to hear what is being said or myself think. It will light my tits on fire and the only thing I will be able to do is not cry out in pain for wanting to nurse the little beast.
I have contemplated locking them all in the garage for that hour, but the neighbors and social service folks probably wouldn't take kindly to that. I have thought about locking myself in my car, but then what if something really tragic happens and they need me? I refuse to send them to daycare so I can make a phone call. And quite honestly, I don't give a rat's ass what they do as long as they are quiet.
Oh, what have I said? This is what I found when my phone call was done. They "cleaned" the toilet. Little fuckers are just trying to help.
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