Forever hopeful

I will admit it.  I buy lottery tickets.  Not compulsively, mind you, but five bucks on the Mega Million and five bucks on the Powerball pretty consistently every week.  Its my excuse to fantasize.  Not that I think we are going to win.  I'm certainly not banking on it.  But if I buy a few tickets, my chance is as good as any.

For those of you unfamiliar with Duluth, there is a digital billboard along I-35 headed south from here that reads what the jackpots are.  We don't take the highway often, as there is really no good reason for us to head to that side of town.  Our auto mechanic is on the other side of town, a remnant of when we lived there.  We think he is worth the drive.  But in passing the billboard the other day on our way to Superior (WI) to get family photos taken, Ava noticed it. 

Ava (10) is apt to marry rich, and not like some who marry men with big dreams.  Ava will marry a man with a big bank account already.  If there is anything her biological mother has taught her, through actions alone, it will be to make SURE he's loaded before she sinks her talons in.  So, she isn't exactly a gold-digger yet (she IS ten, remember) but it's coming.  And who can blame her? 

That being said, Ava noticed the sign.  She asked me about it.  I told her it was how much the lottery was worth.  (At this point I think it was up to 256 mil)  Her eyes got round.  "Two hundred and fifty six thousand dollars?  Whoa."  I corrected her.  Million.  Million.  I don't even think she has, at ten, a concept of what things cost.  "I wouldn't even know what to do with one million dollars," she proclaims.

I do.  I have thought about it long and hard, especially on the days where I go to sleep crying, wondering if I will have to wrap cans of creamed corn for the kids' Christmas gifts again.  (Many years ago, I was a single mother and VERY poor.  But the oldest boy was little and didn't care what was in the gifts as long as he got to shred the paper.)  I told her that a million dollars really isn't even that much money these days, in the times of the uber-rich.  I told her that a million dollars would pay off our house and that was about it.  It might make life a little easier for us, but we would still have to go to work.  She looked horrified.  Yes, honey, its true.  The four hundred dollars you have saved in the bank really doesn't amount to shit.  It will be worth even less when you need it, for college or for a house or a car.

But then she asked "So, is 256 million a lot of money?"  Yes.  Yes, it is.  I don't know if it's Oprah Winfrey money or Bill Gates money, but it's a lot.  "Could you quit your jobs if we won that?"  Yep.  Absolutely.  You wouldn't have to work either.  You could paint or be a socialite or whatever you wanted to spend your days doing.  She pondered this for a few moments.  "You bought some tickets, right?" she asked.  At this point I had.  I had, forever hopeful, purchased $15 worth.  I told her.  She smiled smugly.  "Well, then we are sure to win."  End of discussion.

The next day she came home from school beaming.  She floated around the house until supper-time.  I called her to set the table.  She smiled at me.  "So, did we win?"  I had forgotten what she was thinking of.  I looked at her quizzically.  "The 256 million?" she reminded me.  I sighed.  Nope, didn't win.  Didn't even win the cost of the tickets back.  She looked crushed.  "How can that be?" 

At that point I didn't want to try and explain odds and statistics to her (remember, she is only ten).  I just told her that no one won and we would try again the next week.  I call that keepin' the dream alive.  *sigh*