So earlier, when I opened the mail and got the forms to fill out to go even further in the financial hole for school (20 grand in one year, yes, it's true) I was hesitant to sign them.
I was in the midst of putting my groceries away. Zane and Nora were laying down for a nap. Luna was sitting in the Bumbo chair smirking at me. I set the papers aside. I opened another envelope, a big one. My nephew David's graduation announcement/invitation. It hit me like a Mack truck in the chest.
I looked at Luna. She looked at me. Grinned her funny, gummy, dimpled grin. I got right up to her, nose to nose. Her breath smelled of milk and innocence. She laughed, then puked in my face. I can't believe she will be going to college someday, someday way sooner than I would like. I can't fathom that she will want to leave her father and me. I'm weeping as I write this, I miss her so much already. (Lots of people have told me that is why God makes teenagers so awful, so their parents are ok with them leaving.)
So now I am in a conundrum. Do I continue with school, knowing full-well that it won't even be paid for by the time these beasts want to go to college? What if I can't find a job at a University? I mean, that was my plan all along. Find a job at a U so the kids can go to school for free. Its a perk that weighs more heavily than any salary they could offer. (Think about it...7 kids at even community college prices is $$$$$) What if schools don't offer this as a benefit anymore?
The papers are signed. I just can't bring myself to mail them yet. I've got time to mull it over. I want to send them, I do. I just can't figure out if its the right thing to do.
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